So many things have happened lately. I mean I feel more alone than ever… I don’t really have anyone to talk to. My two closest friends are Rocio and Leah. I mean its been that way for now eight-nine years. I can’t really talk to them right now because I feel selfish. I mean they have their own issues they’re dealing with.. So I am stuck with no one. I feel like I don’t know how to communicate anymore. I am still completely heart broken over the fact that Dakota doesn’t want to be with me. But, if I tell anyone they will just say I am in dire need to move on. I know it’s over.. I am not retarded. But I just was wanting someone to love me I guess. I see my two friends dealing with people who are returning the love but those people are just not in the right place. I wish them luck though hopefully they find their way. I don’t know what I would do in their shoes. It would be a difficult situation. I don’t know… I just want some friends… I don’t know why this is so difficult. Most people I meet I have no real connection with… they aren’t like compatable friends at all. Like it’s hard. ugh.. xox.
I haven’t wrote on here in a while. I have been extremely busy with school. But, there’s been some stuff that I can’t wrap my head around. I feel like everyone in my life doesn’t really actually care. I think this time I am actually going to try and cut some stuff out of my life. So, I saw Dakota two nights ago. I am pretty hurt right now. But I feel as if this time I saw that he is just screwing up his life. He’s not being successful with anything right now so I shouldn’t be so freaking torn. I think that the best way to move on this time, is just to take a couple days to myself. I just am tired of people constantly using me. So from now on… I am just gonna pretend my mom cut me off and I have no money. Because, then no one knows I have anything. Then, I am gonna start telling people I have bad grades too so that no one asks for any help. I am kinda friends with Rocio again. I am getting to know her a little bit again. But we are trying to keep things at a slow paste so that we don’t overwelm each other.. But I am glad I have her to talk to. Autumn is mad at me because I didn’t want to go to a party last night. But, to be honest I wanted to be by myself because I am kinda hurt over the Dakota situation. But, this time I am also going to hide his news feed so I don’t have to read what he posts. I confronted Lauren about her saying negative things. I hope we worked things out Okay. I don’t want to fight with anyone.
I am ready to move on… and try and do better with things in my life and anything else that jumps out at me.
Okay… I KNOW.. it’s been way too long. But, I have a reason for it.. I’ve been trying to get out more. I started hanging out with two new girls Autumn and Lauren. They’re really nice. Of course, I am still hanging out with Ashly too. lol. But let’s see.. Autumn is a lot like me personality wise. We’re both completely dorky. Which, is really cool. We get along super well. We hang out almost at least 4-5 days a week depending on whats going on. She’s also pre-med so we are doing our classes together for the next two semesters. :D Which, is awesome. I think Lauren is also doing them with me too. We all need to make sure that our classes line up for the spring. But, I really like those girls they’re just really good people. Ashly and I are still best friends and talk every day too. So, I really like that we’ve stayed close but it’s also cool that I’ve made some new friends at school. I’ve made a lot more but Autumn and Lauren are probably my closest friends on campus so far. Lately for the last three weeks I have been dealing with this guy Christopher Parker. He’s literally the most complicated human being in the whole world. I honestly have no idea what is going through his head half the time. Therefore, I am almost at the point where I am just not going to write him. I just feel stupid because I had sex with him to keep him around, and now I am not even sure if I want to keep him around. He’s just so wishy washy half of the time. It sucks because I really am crazy about him. But, today I started asking myself why… I was super sick because I always get sick from having sex… and he was not one of the people checking in on me. Of course the girls were but I had some random guy friends also just checking in. It was really sad guys I am not dating or close to dating were checking in over the person who put me in this fucking situation. Therefore, you see why I may just ditch him all together. Plus I think my friends will think I am insane if I stick it out with them. I don’t want to loose friends like I did when I dated both Dylan and Dakota. Funny fact: Chris and Dakota apparently work together. But don’t actually know each other.. weird right? haha that would be awkward to see one when I am with the other… Well I shouldn’t be with either, therefore, that probably won’t happen. I am doing good so far in my courses I got my grades back for my first 8 weeks. A in University Success and Health Care 100. I am now finishing my Medical Physiology and Chemistry course. I have an 88 right now in Medical Physiology. I have a 94 in Medical physiology lab. My professor said I have an A in his Chemistry course. But, I am not sure what type of A. I really hope I can ace it and get an A so I don’t have to take it next semester. I am unsure how I am doing in the Chemistry lab but if I don’t have an A… I’ll drop it and then take it at GCU because it will be within the cap therefore I won’t have to pay extra which works for me!!! :D I really would be SOOOO happy if I got straight A’s. I need to do a bunch of studying this week. I have also started Nutrition class. Soo, I hope to get an A in that too. I have never gotten straight A’s before. So, I really wanna try. Next semester I am taking one of these three options… CHM 1&2 AND PHYSICS 1&2… CHM 1 LAB& HLT 305 &CHM2 &PHYSICS 1&2….HLT 305 &CHM 2 &PHYSICS 1&2
We shall see depending on this semester!! Whatever happens I will conquer the course the best that I possibly can! :D
I am gonna post some pictures of my friends & random stuff then going to bed!!!